so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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