Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
