He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
In other news, I just burned my penis
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
