im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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