Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
