i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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