I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
