FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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