New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
