Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
