Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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