My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
