I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
