i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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