You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
