my mouth tastes like poor choices
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am spending my child support on dildos
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
