Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
