Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
