I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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