you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
