people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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