a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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