I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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