I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
