dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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