Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
