Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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