I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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