you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
