It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
