Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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