There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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