so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
do herpes really smell.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize