Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
