We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
