Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
