I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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