Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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