you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
