You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
