Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
