Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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