you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
