OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
