this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
