your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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