he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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