well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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