my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
