id be glad to
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
