he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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