Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
