I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
