how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
