Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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