apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
