My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
