Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
