once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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