I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
