a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
