She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
