I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
