she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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