wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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