Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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